see me, feel me, touch me, heal me
"see me, feel me, touch me, heal me..." -tommy, the who
this morning i hugged an old friend, and she commented, 'we hug now. we never used to hug.' it was a strange staement, but she was right. through our history, through the 'i kinda-sorta like you phase', the 'i'm hurting like crazy' phase, and the 'it's been so long since we've seen each other' phase, we hardly ever hugged. i mean, yeah, there were times when we did, but for some reason it was never a part of our relationship. there was always distance. this got me thinking about perhaps the most primal urge of humanity - to be touched. being touched means intimacy, relationship. if i hit a man in a bar room brawl, i have relationship with him. likewise to the kid whose hand i shake in church, the stranger i buy food, the last hand squeeze after prayer.
here's my question: why am i afraid of touch?
it seems that the very people i care about the most are the people i cannot bring myself to touch. my parents; i can remember the whole "yeah i love you okay goodbye" phase...and i'm not sure how far i am away from it. a girl; i fear myself, and what a touch, even a simple hug, would bring. the dirty; why am i afraid to touch the very people Jesus called me to love?
i'm not sure of the answer...or its remedy. i want to hold those i love and am called to love, to invest myself emotionally and intimately in the lives of those whose situations will require huge sacrifice, to step off the deep end and not be ashamed of who God is calling me to be.
but i'm not there yet.
posted by Steve at 11:28 AM
1 Comments:
I wouldn't normally do this, and I'm not sure how relavent this will be because, hey, I'm me.
This is a very interesting post to me because I'm kind of in a opposite situation. Back in my hometown I would hug or at least have some sort of physical with almost everyone I knew. This is relavent to me because now that I'm in Tall. I find my self missing such, for lack of a better word, physical connections w/ the people I know. At time I think of trying to start establishing such a connection with people, yet at the same time I kind of fear taking such a step again, maybe it's not the me people expect here, maybe it wouldn't fit most of the relationships I have here, I can not put my finger on it but I'm afraid to try and make that step.
Well I just rambled on there but, oh well! *shrugs* Maybe some parallel in that will help you out or give you something positive to think about. If so, My job is done here!
MMK, TTYL!
P.S. "if i hit a man in a bar room brawl, i have relationship with him." LOL so true, if you give some one a bruise and then walk away giving them a sholder of suport you know you've found a friend.
7:15 PM
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